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What Social Anxiety Feels Like
What Happens in the Brain
The cognitive model by Clark & Wells (1995) explains the vicious cycle: the person with social anxiety turns attention inward — monitoring how they look, how they sound, whether they’re blushing. This self-focus creates an “internal spectator” that increases anxiety instead of reducing it.
Rapee & Heimberg (1997) described how people with social anxiety create a mental image of themselves as they believe others see them — and compare that image to an “ideal standard.” The gap between them fuels the anxiety. DOI: 10.1016/S0005-7967(97)00022-3
Heimberg et al. (1998) demonstrated that Cognitive-Behavioral Group Therapy (CBGT) is equally effective as pharmacotherapy and with better maintenance of results after discontinuation. DOI: 10.1001/archpsyc.55.12.1133
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6 Steps to Beat Social Anxiety
Understand the Cycle
Recognize the pattern: negative thought → physical symptoms → avoidance → relief → fear reinforcement. Avoidance is the problem, not the solution.
Gradual Exposure
Create a fear hierarchy: from easiest (e.g., asking for the time) to hardest (e.g., giving a presentation). Take one step at a time. Stay in the situation until the anxiety subsides.
Shift Attention Outward
Instead of monitoring yourself, focus on the other person: what they’re saying, how they feel, what they’re wearing. External focus breaks the self-surveillance cycle.
📖 Read more: Self-Compassion: Why You Should Be Kinder to Yourself
Challenge Your Thoughts
"Everyone is judging me" → “Is that really true? Or am I just afraid of it?” Ask: what’s the evidence? What would I say to a friend thinking this way?
Drop Safety Behaviors
Holding your phone, drinking alcohol before going out, only attending with company — these keep you stuck. Gradually remove them.
Seek Professional Help
CBT is the most evidence-based therapy for social anxiety. The meta-analysis by Hofmann et al. (2012, DOI: 10.1007/s10608-012-9476-1) confirmed strong results for anxiety disorders.
💪 Every Step Counts
You don’t need to become the most social person in the room. It’s enough for anxiety to stop deciding for you. Every small exposure strengthens the brain. Start today.